Why do you take yourself for granted?

What have you done today to make yourself feel good? In fact, how often do you do something nice for yourself? Why do you need a reason to show yourself some love and appreciation? Why do you take yourself for granted? Last year, I decided to track and analyse my own behaviour. Among other things, in my calendar, I put a red sticker on days where I did something nice for myself. It was an interesting revelation.

Have you ever noticed that we treat ourselves on a reward based system? It is as if we need an external reason, an occasion to enjoy ourselves. I have earned the right to buy myself something expensive because it is my birthday. I will treat myself to a spa because  I worked so hard. I will have a nice hot chocolate because the presentation went well. We ride and piggyback on the high created by external events, instead of generating them ourselves. What happened to random acts of kindness? Wouldn’t you agree that flowers or gifts received are much more appreciated when you least expect it? I know I will get a present on my birthday or on Valentine’s day. I’m grateful for that. However, going home to find that my loved ones or friends have cooked something special for me, brought me chocolate or simply remembered to pick up their socks always lift up my spirit.

At first, the concentration of red dots on my calendar were found mostly on weekends. This pattern will be familiar to many people. “Thanks God, it’s Friday”. We spend more time planning our weekends at the detriment of the remaining of the week. What can you do next Monday to make the day feel a little bit special?

Turn your to-do list into a list of achievements

Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how much effort you put in, your to-do list keeps on growing and is getting out of control? The clock is ticking, the deadline is looming, yet there is still so much more to do. You are juggling tasks in a desperate attempt to complete them. You do not feel like you are making progress. Panic sets in. Have you ever thought about flipping your to-do list on its head? Rather than spending the day looking at what you have to do, how about looking at what you have already done whilst focusing on the task at hand? Intrigued? Read more to find out one of the technique I use to save the day.

I am a big advocate of starting the working day or week with a to-do list. It is an efficient way to make sure that you have a clear direction. You are in control, you are on track. And then the dreaded emails, phone calls, discussions by the water cooler happens! It is even worse when they include the phrases: “I want it done today”, “I need this done by the end of the week”. Yes but we are already Thursday and I have other things that need to be done by the end of the week! Slowly but surely, your sense of being in control dissipates. Your to-do list morphs into a huge slab of stone that you need to crack. Glancing at your to-do list and then at the clock makes you nervous. You spend valuable time worrying about not finishing off your commitments rather than actually working on them. You do not feel like you are making progress.

Remain motivated throughout the day or the week by using a list of achievements alongside your to-do list. Next time you get in the office:

Turn your subconscious into your personal coach

Positive thinking, is it a myth? With all the best intentions in the world, how can you remain positive when your brain is constantly attacked by negative and discouraging thoughts? Have you ever tried “literally” rewriting the scripts that play in your mind?

When everything is hunky-dory, it is somewhat easy to keep a smile on your face. However, how can you keep smiling when life keeps on throwing you curve balls? I started this year with a plan, a smile and a determination to challenge myself every month in order to become more resilient. In January, I worked on learning self control through veganism. It wasn’t long before a spanner was thrown in the mix. Yikes! In a nutshell, men! You think you can trust someone but then you find out that it has always been a lie. Needless to say that it was a struggle to remain positive, to smile. After the mandatory period of dwelling on what happened and feeling sorry for myself, I decided that enough was enough. As Gloria Gaynor said “I will survive”. But how do you do that when you lose your motivation and question your confidence and belief in yourself and the people that you have allowed into your life?

When I was at primary school, one of the punishments for misbehaving was to write a certain sentence a hundred times. Yeah that’s right, hundred times! The sentences were designed to reinforce positive behaviours such as “I will remember to bring my PE kit”, “I will always do my homework”, “I will not be rude to my teachers”. Trust me when I said that, at that age, this was worse than detention. Weirdly enough, when I was thinking about techniques to use to get me back on the positivity wagon, this once dreadful experience came to my mind. Would it be possible to change the way I think by writing down a positive mantra based on the negative thoughts that I have been fighting all day? Challenge Accepted! Throughout February, before going to bed, I will write down a sentence that will help me fight my negative thoughts and beliefs. Rather than hundred, I will write the same sentence fifty times.

Look up to leave your worries behind

Have you ever noticed how much time you normally spend looking at the floor? If you had to map your walk from your house to the nearest shop, how much details of your surroundings can you really remember? Just as an experiment, try to look up right now and think about a sad, negative experience or something that worries you. How long did it take before you instinctively looked down? Look up and start noticing the world around you.

People watching is one of my favourite activities. Up in my tower at work, I attentively watch passers-by, cyclists and drivers. You will be surprised at the number of people who still use their phones whilst driving, or the number of cyclists who genuinely believe that the highway code do not apply to them. One thing for sure is that the majority of people I see during my coffee breaks walk around with their head down. Interestingly, the same phenomenon can be witnessed in gardens and parks. With such beautiful surroundings, why on earth are people choosing to look at the grass?

As humans we spend too much time in our heads. Our thoughts drive us throughout the day and dictate the mood that we are in. If you pay attention to your physiognomy when you are sad, upset, overwhelmed, crying, deep into your thoughts and your problems, you will notice that you are looking down. This is an instinctive reaction. We tend to look down when we access deep routed feelings, mostly negative ones. The simplest way to get out of this state, to break this pattern, is to look up.