A Challenge a Month in 2017. Are your up for it?

2017 is well under way. I cannot believe that it is already February. Tell me, how many new year resolutions did you set this year? How many new year resolutions are you still working on? It has been proven that, for most people, new year resolutions are not very effective. Have you ever considered taking on a personal challenge every month?

Last year was pretty special for me. I finally hit the big 3. That’s right, in December I turned 30 years old. Many describe this transition as the period where you stop dancing, your bones start creaking, your body clock starts ticking louder, your chances to find love goes even lower and many more negative comments. For me, this was an opportunity to celebrate my life and to look forward to a life full of opportunities. Aside from the various parties throughout the year, yes I had more than 6 celebrations, I decided to sign up to a gruelling program to beat negativity out of my system  and shape myself into the young woman I wanted to be.

I started the year with 12 challenges and a list of 30 things I wanted to achieve before turning 30. You are probably thinking that I am insane and that you will never be able to do something like this. Yes I am insane, and no you definitely can do something like this. In fact, I am challenging you to set up your own goals for 2017. Are you up for this?

Face the fear and poke the bear

Have you ever been so anxious about the outcome of a future event that you feel like the world has stopped turning around you? It’s not as if you don’t have things to get on with. In fact, your to-do list is probably growing. However, fear of the unknown keeps you petrified. At night, you lie awake in bed feeling guilty about not making progress. During the day however, your mind is so distracted that you find useful way to procrastinate rather than focusing on the task at hand.  It’s like having a mental block. I don’t know about you but when I am at my worse, I am so tense and rigid that my body feels like Pinocchio. I am in a half awake and half asleep mode.

Don’t bury your head in the sand because when you finally decide to resurface, the picture will remain the same. If you want change, a way to avoid tricky situations, then face it heads on. However, how can you break out of this state when both your body and mind are colluding against you?

As you may know fear is not real. In fact, fear is simply an acronym for “False Expectations Appearing Real”. Fear is created in your mind. You think about various scenarios of what could go wrong. Unfortunately, the result can be felt in your body. Next time you’re faced with a high sense of anxiety, or a greater fear of the unknown, then follow this simple process I use to snap out of it.

Start by accepting and acknowledging your current state to free yourself from the burden you’re carrying. This step will allow you to surrender to your emotions. Drop your weapons, drop any resistance and guilt you may be feeling about the current situation. No more wars, no more inner conflicts. No more “I should be doing this, instead I’m worrying”. No more “I haven’t been productive lately, I haven’t done much apart from worrying”. Yes that’s true. Now I am admitting it, forgiving myself and letting go of negative feelings associated with my shortcomings.

Believe that the current state is temporary. In fact, rather than simply stating that you are anxious, I would suggest saying “I am very anxious at the moment”. I accept that I feel stuck in this state, but I also believe that this state is temporary “at the moment”. I am sending a strong signal to my brain that I am ready to find a solution.

Denounce your fears. Paper and pen at the ready. This is where you write down every single thing that you are worried about. Don’t waste time wondering whether it is relevant or not, big or small, stupid or not. If it something that needs to be done, something that you are worried about, add it to the list.

Now that you have managed to get your head above the ground, how about poking the bear? For every item on your list, write down the outcome that you would like and the worse thing that can happen. So what if the worst case scenario happened? How would you deal with it? If you can think of at least one positive way to look at it, to handle it, then rest assured that you will feel like a huge weight dropping off your shoulders. If there is nothing much you think you can do, then how can you look at the situation differently? Sometimes, changing our perspective to an event makes a huge difference. I have been very anxious about an event I am organising. I had to pay a fee for the venue. However, there is no guarantee that I will break even as I have no idea how many people will turn up, or whether they will turn up at all. Going through this process, I changed my perspective about this event. If I only have 2 to 5 people turn up, I will lose money. However, it is money well invested as I will practice my public speaking skills in front of an audience I do not know.

Now onto the positive case scenarios identified. You should have a list of issues with a more favourable outcome for you. For each item on your list, what is the first thing that you can do to make it happen? If there really is nothing that you can do, then this issue is not for you to worry about. You can be concerned without being worried. Accept it for what it is. Write down a solution for this problem. For instance, “I have applied for this volunteer opportunity. All I can do now is wait.”

By now, you should be feeling a lot more positive, alive. You might still have some anxiety residue in your system. Piggyback on this momentum and go on the offensive. Write yourself a reminder of all the positive actions, decisions and new beliefs. Keep it close to you so that you can refer to it over the next few days. When you run out of oil, reading this will kick start your engine. Remember that accepting a situation that is outside of your control is in fact the right way of dealing with it.

Close your session with a meditation. Start by reading the positive statements and reminders you compiled. Pick whichever meditation style works for you. If you are not familiar with meditation, I will suggest going for one where you are led by an instructor. The length is up to you. Remember that for the first few minutes, your body might still be experiencing some kind of resistance. It is coming to term with letting go of anxiety. The meditation gives you a safe place to breathe, calm yourself and bring you inner peace. When I’m at my worse I need at least 20 minutes to go from Pinocchio to feeling blood rushing through my veins again. I tend to go for a guided visual mediation, for example walking in the woods, sitting by a fire in winter or flying through rainbows.

You are now free to get on with your life with this new sense of relaxation. However, you are not done yet. In the next few hours or the next day, you need to start moving. You know have all the pieces of the puzzle. It’s time for action. It will be easier as you have already written down the first few steps to get yourself out of this jam. Suck it up and make the first move. The more you do, the more you will feel better about yourself, the more you can tick off from your to-do list.

No matter how resilient you are, there will be times where things get on top of you. The process described in this article will help you to break free and resume your life. It’s worth learning to look at the face of danger in order to let go of anxiety and moving on to the next step.

Why do you take yourself for granted?

What have you done today to make yourself feel good? In fact, how often do you do something nice for yourself? Why do you need a reason to show yourself some love and appreciation? Why do you take yourself for granted? Last year, I decided to track and analyse my own behaviour. Among other things, in my calendar, I put a red sticker on days where I did something nice for myself. It was an interesting revelation.

Have you ever noticed that we treat ourselves on a reward based system? It is as if we need an external reason, an occasion to enjoy ourselves. I have earned the right to buy myself something expensive because it is my birthday. I will treat myself to a spa because  I worked so hard. I will have a nice hot chocolate because the presentation went well. We ride and piggyback on the high created by external events, instead of generating them ourselves. What happened to random acts of kindness? Wouldn’t you agree that flowers or gifts received are much more appreciated when you least expect it? I know I will get a present on my birthday or on Valentine’s day. I’m grateful for that. However, going home to find that my loved ones or friends have cooked something special for me, brought me chocolate or simply remembered to pick up their socks always lift up my spirit.

At first, the concentration of red dots on my calendar were found mostly on weekends. This pattern will be familiar to many people. “Thanks God, it’s Friday”. We spend more time planning our weekends at the detriment of the remaining of the week. What can you do next Monday to make the day feel a little bit special?

Turn your to-do list into a list of achievements

Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how much effort you put in, your to-do list keeps on growing and is getting out of control? The clock is ticking, the deadline is looming, yet there is still so much more to do. You are juggling tasks in a desperate attempt to complete them. You do not feel like you are making progress. Panic sets in. Have you ever thought about flipping your to-do list on its head? Rather than spending the day looking at what you have to do, how about looking at what you have already done whilst focusing on the task at hand? Intrigued? Read more to find out one of the technique I use to save the day.

I am a big advocate of starting the working day or week with a to-do list. It is an efficient way to make sure that you have a clear direction. You are in control, you are on track. And then the dreaded emails, phone calls, discussions by the water cooler happens! It is even worse when they include the phrases: “I want it done today”, “I need this done by the end of the week”. Yes but we are already Thursday and I have other things that need to be done by the end of the week! Slowly but surely, your sense of being in control dissipates. Your to-do list morphs into a huge slab of stone that you need to crack. Glancing at your to-do list and then at the clock makes you nervous. You spend valuable time worrying about not finishing off your commitments rather than actually working on them. You do not feel like you are making progress.

Remain motivated throughout the day or the week by using a list of achievements alongside your to-do list. Next time you get in the office:

Turn your subconscious into your personal coach

Positive thinking, is it a myth? With all the best intentions in the world, how can you remain positive when your brain is constantly attacked by negative and discouraging thoughts? Have you ever tried “literally” rewriting the scripts that play in your mind?

When everything is hunky-dory, it is somewhat easy to keep a smile on your face. However, how can you keep smiling when life keeps on throwing you curve balls? I started this year with a plan, a smile and a determination to challenge myself every month in order to become more resilient. In January, I worked on learning self control through veganism. It wasn’t long before a spanner was thrown in the mix. Yikes! In a nutshell, men! You think you can trust someone but then you find out that it has always been a lie. Needless to say that it was a struggle to remain positive, to smile. After the mandatory period of dwelling on what happened and feeling sorry for myself, I decided that enough was enough. As Gloria Gaynor said “I will survive”. But how do you do that when you lose your motivation and question your confidence and belief in yourself and the people that you have allowed into your life?

When I was at primary school, one of the punishments for misbehaving was to write a certain sentence a hundred times. Yeah that’s right, hundred times! The sentences were designed to reinforce positive behaviours such as “I will remember to bring my PE kit”, “I will always do my homework”, “I will not be rude to my teachers”. Trust me when I said that, at that age, this was worse than detention. Weirdly enough, when I was thinking about techniques to use to get me back on the positivity wagon, this once dreadful experience came to my mind. Would it be possible to change the way I think by writing down a positive mantra based on the negative thoughts that I have been fighting all day? Challenge Accepted! Throughout February, before going to bed, I will write down a sentence that will help me fight my negative thoughts and beliefs. Rather than hundred, I will write the same sentence fifty times.

Look up to leave your worries behind

Have you ever noticed how much time you normally spend looking at the floor? If you had to map your walk from your house to the nearest shop, how much details of your surroundings can you really remember? Just as an experiment, try to look up right now and think about a sad, negative experience or something that worries you. How long did it take before you instinctively looked down? Look up and start noticing the world around you.

People watching is one of my favourite activities. Up in my tower at work, I attentively watch passers-by, cyclists and drivers. You will be surprised at the number of people who still use their phones whilst driving, or the number of cyclists who genuinely believe that the highway code do not apply to them. One thing for sure is that the majority of people I see during my coffee breaks walk around with their head down. Interestingly, the same phenomenon can be witnessed in gardens and parks. With such beautiful surroundings, why on earth are people choosing to look at the grass?

As humans we spend too much time in our heads. Our thoughts drive us throughout the day and dictate the mood that we are in. If you pay attention to your physiognomy when you are sad, upset, overwhelmed, crying, deep into your thoughts and your problems, you will notice that you are looking down. This is an instinctive reaction. We tend to look down when we access deep routed feelings, mostly negative ones. The simplest way to get out of this state, to break this pattern, is to look up.

How would you feel about dying right now?

If I die today, I will die a happy woman. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. Plus, I am not even sure where I will go next. What does heaven looks like? For an active person like me, the way heaven is described is not very appealing. Can I play tennis or take part in fun, adrenaline fuelled activities? Hell is too hot and full of mean people, so I’ll pass on that one. What would you say if I ask you: “Are you ready to die right now?”

What is death? Let’s face it, when you die you won’t even know. In the western society, death is pretty much taboo. We do not talk about it. Some people even avoid thinking about writing a will because of its connotations. Heck, I’m the worse one of them. I cannot bear it when my dad starts a conversation with “When I am gone, …”. The idea of living without my dad, mum, family and close friends around do not even bear thinking about.

You’re probably wondering, if that’s the case then why am I ready to die? That is a good question. The way I see it, our relationship with death comes from our relationship with life. I’m going to ask you again: “Are you ready to die right now?”. Take a minute to think about it. If possible, write down your thoughts and reasoning. I hope that I can convince you to either say “Yes” or put the wheels in motion to get to a state where you can say yes.

Learning Self-Control through Veganism

If someone had told me that I’d go vegan for a month, I would look at them with eyes that say “Don’t be silly”. I have always wondered why people became vegetarian, let alone vegan. The world is filled with interesting food. Why deprive yourself of them? Most importantly, how do you wake up one day and say “No, I’m not touching this glorious steak and I won’t have that piece of cake either”? All I could say to that was: “Challenge Accepted”.

For someone who could happily have a pork chop for breakfast, I went through an entire month, 32 days to be exact, without a single piece of meat, no dairy products and no chocolate. The only thing that kept me going was the smell of BBQ chicken tapas coming from my friends plates whilst I was faced with a small quinoa salad that was barely enough to feed a toddler. Now I can describe myself as a recovering meat eater. In fact, I should probably join a CA (Carnivore Anonymous)  club to get the appropriate support during this transition period.

Many people have asked me why I decided to put myself through that. It was indeed a tough experience, but well worth it. The idea came to me last year in March. Whilst enjoying the eclipse in Reykjavik, I started thinking about what I could do to make my life more intriguing. There were a lot of ridiculous and fun suggestions such as “wear a sling on my right arm for a month”. Of all of them, being vegan was the one idea that seriously stuck to my brain.

New Shoes Dilemma: Can I wear them outside?

Buying a new pair of shoes is one of the hardest decisions I have to make. I find the process daunting. There are tons of shoes out there, for all price range imaginable. However, my big problem with shoes is the return policy.

According to the return policy of most shops in the UK, a new pair of shoes can only be returned within 30 days of purchase if they are defective, not fit for purpose and most importantly, if they were not worn outside. How on earth am I to conclude that a pair of shoes is fit for purpose if I cannot try them in the right conditions?

What is happiness?

Did you know that the word “happy” is one of the top 1000 frequently used words? Many people spend their lives in the pursuit of happiness. Some believe that happiness is linked to social status, money, belongings and/or achieving a certain goal. For instance, I will be happy when I’ve got a decent job. I will be happy when I meet someone in my life. I will be happy once I’ve resolved my current situation.

There are many self help books out there telling you what to do to be happy. Have you ever wondered what happiness really is?

Please feel free to disagree with me, but I genuinely believe that happiness is not “real”. Happiness is a state of mind that should be maintained through commitment and simple practices in our daily lives.